I need a program to edit my videos... I need to get something good. I am working on that and hopefully the problem will be resolved soon. until then, my camera is just collecting a whole bunch of boring footage.

woo!

Writing is all I've ever wanted to do, to be honest and get right down to it... I want to write something, anything.

This is my way of writing almost everyday. Days that I don't post, I write something in a story. I have many stories. Two scripts, and (since everything got deleted) one story are currently sitting on my computer unfinished. I work on at least one of them everyday, even if it's just two add a sentence. That is how I write. Slowly.

There are days that I can sit down and just fucking write for hours. I'll write 10 or 15 pages in a day, and then i'll get tired and go to sleep. The next day, though, I'm never as lucky as I was the previous day and I can't get the time to sit back down and write like that again. I honestly think that if I was given a week to do nothing but sit around and write, I could start and finish an entire novel; life isn't that nice though, I don't get that time. Not that I'm necessarily complaining though. I do have a life and things to do and accomplish through my days, so if I had a week to simply sit around, I would either have to really love this story and assume I would be making money off it, be on vacation and not wanna do anything else, OR get hurt and not be able to work. Any other reason would be retarded.

I have a mix of emotion recently when I think about my writing. For the most part I've been able to keep my head up and be optimistic, but that's really fucking hard to do. Basically I don't want to care about the writing. I want to write, but that's it. I don't want to be the reader, I want to be the writer. Currently I am playing the part of both. I read what I write as if I weren't the one who wrote it, which makes me judge it. I don't need to judge it. YOU need to judge it; the reader matters, I don't.

Whenever I show someone my writing, they say it's good. Always. I've never had anyone say I've written something bad. This leads me to believe one of two things: that I should finally forget how I feel about the writing and just write, or that my friends are lying... I"ll have to figure that out and get back to ya.

take care for now,
Marshall

I can already tell this is gonna be annoying to try to test, but test it I will.

I'm going to write two stories that most likely will be very similar, or even the same story through two peoples eyes. There is nothing special about that, Orson Scott Card did it with Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow. What will be special about my thing is that I will refer to the stories as Left Handed and Right Handed. Still not special? Ok, well how about if I write the Left Handed story ONLY using my left hand and the Right Handed story ONLY using my right hand? I want to improve my typing abilities for yet ANOTHER idea to be sprung from this (but I won't go into that just yet). In the end, after the stories are written and I take the next step with the second (secret) part of this idea, I will have done something I'm sure no one else has done... ever.

Alright, that's all for now, I gotta get back to filming myself saying stupid things.

Take care, everyone,
Marshall

check out my new JVC Everio. Everio was apparently the first HDD Camcorder on the market, so that, plus the fact that it is JVC tells me it knows what it's a quality product. Simple, yet powerful. Nothing better.

I've begun to film with it, nothing scripted yet though. All I've done so far is just film me, my girlfriend and some test shots on my new Monopod.

Speaking on the monopod I must say that it is incredibly useful. Although it will be quite hard to film myself when I'm alone outside, inside I can simply set up the camera on something else. The monopods glory comes into play when I am walking by myself; I can hold out my arm and film myself without it looking like I'm filming myself. Also, it extends 9X it's normal height, and since it only has one peg, it is very easy to hold far above your head to get some nice high shots without climbing anything. My previous tripods were clunky and heavy due to the extra legs so this was annoying and caused a lot of shaky footage.

As for scripted filming, I'm working on something silly right now. No story line, just retardation. Think Tim and Eric Awesome Show! Great Job! meets a sitcom. It it VERY random, follows no direction or story or consistent characters BUT isn't sketch comedy either. It progresses and moves as though it's a real show.

The last note of filming I will make today is that I will be filming a MUSIC VIDEO! Not to a song you've ever heard of, I can promise, but it is a very nice ballad done by a good friend of mine and we will be filming a video soon, before he leaves for the Navy.

Take care, everyone, I'll talk to you soon,
Marshall

I had a strange idea today as I came home from work. I won't go into too much detail yet, but I'm gonna say that it may be revolutionary (if it works, or even if it doesn't but something else happens). It will also be a way of getting my videos to people and it's not online, but that's all I'm saying.

Alright. Now, to put this plan into action, I need to go buy a camera and film some shit.

I have firefox, and an add-on called StumbleUpon (give my posts thumbs ups!)... A lot of the shit it brings me to are lists on blogs. Less frequently it's a self help list.

I think these lists are fine and usually have great ideas as to how one can better his or her self, but, they are only words that a person reads. If the list says, "You can do anything you want" that is supposed to make the person think, "Fuck yeah, I can!" but instead it only makes the reader think, "You can do anything you want--scroll down to the next item on the list".

The problem I think lies in the fact that it is written. Can any of you control your thoughts? I know I can't control the things I think any more than I can... well... thoughts control everything, so... Let's not use this analogy yet...

Thinking something doesn't making it happen. If I'm depressed and a self help tip says to "Be Happy!", just telling myself that i'm happy doesn't make it so. Likewise, if I start to write a new story and feel like its crappy, reading this, won't make me feel better about it. These lists are made of words, not emotion. The emotion I feel doesn't change because of a word on a computer screen or on a piece of paper.

I guess now I can go back to the analogy from two paragraphs ago. I know that I can't control my thoughts any more than I can control anything else I do. Yep, pretty much what I already said. But, on the flipside, I CAN control my thoughts as much as I can control my emotion; that is to say I can't. I feel what I feel. So, I can control them, and I can't.

I can control the words in my mind and what I do with my body, but why I think the words I think I don't know, and can't control that. I also can't control my emotion which affects my thoughts, so in that way, I can't control the words I think.

Self-help should be left to the words that embody the term. SELF help, not "read this shit that someone ELSE wrote and maybe they will help if you actually go and act out the things on the list, but realize that you already would have done these things if you can".

Good day, people.

I have to point back to this http://scribbleatwork.blogspot.com/2008/02/goodbye-writing.html . I am upset that I lost my writing, of course, I had some stuff that I actually liked; the goodbye writing idea is fully in effect right now, and that affects suck. It was an idea I didn't intend on enacting, but maybe this is for the best. I can always write those stories again, and if the goodbye writing idea did anything I hoped it would, now they will be written better.

Only time can tell.

that title would only make sense if i posted the other post about this post. But I didn't... so this is the only post about this post... yeah.

I am writing a lot of poetry lately. I love it. It's my new therapy.

Also what I've been doing is drawing little... well, scribbles. Usually I'll add a stupid little quip at the end of it... I think I'm gonna start uploading them, or doing them on the computer and posting them here. What's one more webcomic, right?

i hate when someones birthday comes... I NEVER do well with gifts

My hard drive crashed. I did my best to recover all I could... but I didn't get my writing... everything I had saved... gone.

FUCK.

I wrote this poem this morning for my girlfriend, and I like it enough to share it with the world.

"If my words could make the sunrise, I would stop halfway to capture the beauty, just for you."

was a bad day.

I'm just gonna jump around from thought to thought today. A lot on my mind, and I wanna get it out before I forget (which has been happening a lot).

I'm getting kinda pissed. At work, I am constantly walking around a warehouse picking and packing DVDs. While I am doing this, I rarely open my mouth, except to ask a question about something I haven't learned yet. This allows my mind to wander... a lot. However, like I said before, the scribbles are gone. I can't write down these thoughts. The last two days I have written down key words to thoughts I had during the day on my arm... by lunch I forget what the fuck they stand for. Today, the word I wrote was "magic". I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking about when I wrote that, and it kinda disappoints me, and seriously pisses me off. I wrote that word on my flesh because I thought my thought was good enough to think about later... oh well.

Also, during these hours of speechlessness that I go through each day, I have come up with a few concepts for stories I'd like to write. There is one problem though; I am scared to write them. Not literally scared, but I am afraid that if I am the one that writes them, it won't give the concept it's full potential. My girlfriend told me to write them, but she also tells me she likes my writing. It's harder for me to want to write it, because I don't like my writing.

I now have more money saved up than I ever have before... and it's not even a lot. But it is enough to pay some bills.

My dad asked me to have lunch with him tomorrow, I am curious as to whether he just wants a nice friendly lunch with me or if something's on his mind. I guess I'll find out tomorrow at 11:30.

I'm getting an iPhone tomorrow (maybe?). It was a birthday present from my lady and it should be getting delivered tomorrow.

Having a radio show is still an idea in my head, but nothing more right now. The podcast is in existence, but it's kinda lame... I need guests, I need music (maybe), I need... something. I need funny. It's not funny. Right now all the podcast is, is me, my lady, and my friend talking. We are pretty funny together, normally, but when the mic is turned on it's like we switch on to serious mode. I may have to start pulling ideas from the DJs I listen to at work. Prank calls, fucked up interviews, and making fun of current events. Eventually I would like to buy a mixer, go back through the shows, and cut some sounds. Have a nice little soundboard to play with at work...

When it comes to my living arrangement, nothing has changed. I made a decision though,What I'm going to do is slowly start paying bills for other things that I haven't had to pay before. Cell phone will be first, then my car insurance (that one's gonna SUCK because I was in an accident in october), and although I'm already paying my car payments, I will be paying a new car payment soon (explanation coming). With the cell, insurance and the new car payment all being done on my own, I will know how much money I have left a month to spend on rent and everything else. So, what do I mean by a new car payment? Well, after my accident in October, I got a Dodge Neon, but it's in my mom's name, and isn't paid for yet. I was given this option for when I move: Take out a loan, pay the rest of the car off and "buy" it from my mom OR Take out a loan, buy another car, have it be mine right away. I think that with the second option, I could take out a smaller loan, and just put down a down payment. Either way, I will have to pay back the amount of an entire car, through the loan or through normal car payments.

I'll keep you guys updated on my oh so interesting life.

Keep reading, I'm always writing. (hehe I just made that up, aren't I awesome?)