Scribble@Work

Might be closing this blog

2009-10-28T13:23:00.003-04:00

Yes yes, shocking. I know. But don't worry, I don't mean I'm done being an opinionated ass online, I'm just changing how it's done. www.itsmarshallbruno.com is now in existence, and will be operating as my main source of outlet in all forms written soon.

))<>((

2009-10-21T22:26:00.003-04:00

That title is poop being passed from one butt to another. If you know the movie that's from you're awesome; if not, I look retarded.

Ok, updates. Girl uninterested. Script is going nowhere, though I'm thinking about it. Someone's trying to bother me (see post below).

detailed: Girl is fun, and seemingly nice, but also seemingly completely uninterested at this point. Whatever. Not much to say there.

I've been thinking about my story, trying to get the few details I'm still up in the air about down in concrete. Through the little quibble I had down below in the comments with the anonymous person, I've admitted something shameful. I have no plans to really do anything with anything I write. I used to want to. But now it just doesn't seem feasible. I'm really not a good writer, and without a doubt, quite unoriginal. Yet at the same time, I won't stop writing. Vonnegut once said, "Write for one person." Whoever that person is that says I suck at writing, you are so very much correct. I am a terrible writer. But pay attention because this is the part that matters, I'm not writing for you. I'm not writing for your friends, your family, your acquaintances, or anyone you know that can read. I'm writing for the one person that wants to read what I write. If there is more than one person, that's fine too. I like an audience.

And in other news: I have an apartment. Finally I am moving out of my father's house. My friend Theo and I have found a place about ten miles down the road from my dad's place and started to move in this week. This weekend we plan to finish up and start living there.

Alright I'm done. gonna watch the phils win the NLCS.

update: i deleted the comments of the below entry. My website is not a place for personal arguments.

My mind is racing.

2009-10-19T23:58:00.000-04:00

I'm just going to throw out thoughts here. nothing particular; if I deviate from a topic so be it, I'm just writing to write.

I have this outlook on life nowadays. I look at a situation that makes me nervous, and I ignore it. That is to say, I have to do something, but the thought of doing it frightens me... I'm scared of doing it, not scared of how the result will end up. So what I do is I ignore the situation I am in, and I get a result.

Let's take a back flip for example. I'm trying to teach myself how to do a back flip right now, and it's the actual act of doing it that scares me. The jump, the tuck, the rotation, the spotting, the landing; it's nerve wracking to think about all that. So I ignore those things. There are so many things that could happen when I jump (since I don't know how to do one), the chances of me doing it right are fairly low. But there's a 100% chance I will get a result if I just try. It doesn't always work, but it helps.

Remember that confidence I was talking about having a while ago? It's very much gone. Like I said back then, it's just part of my crazy brain (manic depression? I'm still thinking so). But since that's gone, this has been my way to do things I'd normally shy from.

In other news, I've been tossing around story ideas in my head lately, writing a little bit more to my future full length romance. I am finding writing that to be a challenge though. Not sure why either. I have the story fleshed out in my head... I'm just having trouble with some transitions through the story, and that doesn't make sense unless you have seen part of the script.

Lastly, and what's on my mind the most right now is a girl. I am seeing a new girl, and I like her a lot. Spent all weekend with her and had a great time. I would like to pursue seeing her. All weekend we were together things were great (from what I could tell). Today I didn't see her, and my crazy mind keeps thinking that she's realizing now that she's away that I'm a loser and she wouldn't want to see me again. It's (hopefully) (probably) (maybe) all a ludicrous thought, really to assume that she'd shy off just like that. But that's me, I worry like that. I hope to see her sometime this week and cement what we already talked about previously, which is being a couple (is it normal for a discussion to happen about this, or does it usually just become assumed after a while?).

Meh, that's all I have/want to write here in the public.

Take care.

Marshall.

new charity

2009-10-04T16:43:00.001-04:00

Don't have much to say right now; haven't written much lately and i'm just really preparing to move into my first apartment. Big news right now is the new Charity my site is supporting.

Please take the 15 seconds to support Invisible Children. Thanks, guys!

Writing for who?

2009-09-20T13:02:00.002-04:00

I was just talking with a friend (acquaintance?) about writing. I asked her if I could read something she wrote and her response was, "i totally would, but one thing a scriptwriter once told me...never give your work to anyone". My immediate thought was, well than why write? I questioned her on it and got, "it could get into the wrong hands, not that i dont trust you, but its also that i have a problem with...finishing them..i'll get 120 pages and i can never complete them, i have five that ive never finished"

The second part of her reasoning I agree with; there isn't really a reason to show your work when it isn't finished (even though I do all the time...). But the first reason she used, that's what struck me.

Personally, I write for two reasons: The first and more important is because I want to. Simple as that. The second reason, less important to me though still important, is to let someone react to it. I don't really care how they react, I just want them to.

Whatever they have to say about it is fine, I just want someone to read what I've created and have a thought about it. It's not up to me what they think about it. But if they don't read it, they can't think about it and they can't react to it.

Sure, there is that possibility that if I put all my writing on this blog someone will come along and steal it. Ya know what I think about that? What the fuck ever. I'm not setting out to make money on the stories I post here; if I wanted to make money on my stories, I'd actually do something with them other than sitting on them here on my blog. Don't get me wrong, if I ever go into a book store and pick up a copy of 2050 verbatim with someone else's name on it, I'll be seriously upset that someone did that without telling me... but again... so what? I wasn't going to do anything with it, so good for them.

Just to be clear though, I would go after someone by legal means if I came across my story published by someone else, so this entry isn't an admission of freedom for use. Yeah, I'd be upset and I'd pursue legal retribution, but again, I wouldn't be so much upset as I think I should be. I would actually be elated in a way.

See where I'm going? No? Ok, well if someone came across my story and stole it, that means that not only that person, but whoever published it and everyone that bought it thought it was good too. that would mean something. actually that would mean a lot.

So, I agree and disagree with my friend about sending out your writing.

I agree that it's bad to have your shit stolen. We work hard on our stories, and for someone to come along and simply take it is inconsiderate and rude. Not to mention completely illegal.

But I also disagree. You've written it, so let people read it. If no one sees it than it's like no one wrote it (schrodingers cat, anyone?).

Writing is an art, I'd say, if it's done right. But, see, art isn't art unless it's seen as art. Unless it's seen. I could draw the most beautiful picture ever, but if no one sees it, why did I draw it? Drawings are such that without being seen or experienced, they lose all meaning. ALL meaning. Same with writing. Should no one know about it, it's worthless. Completely.

Well that's my two cents.

Take care, everyone,

Marshall

The fixed version

2009-09-09T22:01:00.003-04:00

Instead of changing what's already been published, I'll just make these words link to the new downloadable version of 2050. There may be some spelling errors, but I'm not worried about that, really. What matters is the story is how I want it.

Enjoy, if you haven't read it already.

Take care,

Marshall

Silly Me

2009-09-09T13:28:00.001-04:00

It seems in my laziness and hatred for proofreading, I've named characters that shouldn't have been named. It also seems googlepages is ceasing to exist so if I want to host my stories online, I need to find a new server to do that.

just keep writing, Marshall

2009-09-08T20:53:00.002-04:00

Alright, I finished 2050 and now I still want to write, so I'm working on something I started a while ago called Homecoming, about a young actress who returns to her small hometown from making two movies with more than she left with. A coke addiction.

Dunno if I'll keep it or what, but I'm writing it anyway.

The purpose of this post is to keep writing, while I can't write Homecoming (thinking about the next step), and also to say that the last bit of 2050, "I'll tell you my name," is actually a kind of inside joke for myself. The whole time I was writing this, I only wanted characters that appear in more than one part to be named. Anyone else is really just there to flesh out the story. That's why I didn't give the girl a name. She's plenty important; she spoke to Ethan. Buuuuuut she was only in the story once, and for such a small amount of time, her name doesn't matter.

There's litterally no reason for me to do this, I just wanted to. The future of this story entails her having a name, though I'm keeping the rule of only characters appearing more than once will be named.

What am I saying? The story isn't actually over. What is posted as of now is a story, and fine the way it is, in my opinion. It's the story I wanted to tell, so I'm happy with it. It's just that I could take this story even further. Maybe the voyage is a safe one, Humanity on earth has evolved vastly, or maybe its died completely and these colonists are the last remnants of the human species.

It could go a lot of different ways.

I'm going to toy around with it. One day I'll reopen 2050, slap a new title on it and start it up again. Until then, I hope you enjoy it and continue reading what I write.

-Marshall

part four

2009-09-08T19:59:00.002-04:00

(the formatting seems to have messed up, i don't know why. but you can download the story here anyway)

Ethan spent a month in his new house, meeting his family, and finding out that his great-niece was why Lisa took out money for her family; she had needed surgery a while back. He learned some of the lives of everyone in his family, but not much; they had to leave quickly because they all had lives elsewhere.

Lisa stayed with Ethan for a while longer after her family left. She wanted to see if he could adjust to not only living on his own again, but living forty years in the future from anything he remembers. She had to teach him a lot. Cars, computers, cooking, television, and every other electronic device were so completely transformed he had no idea how to use any of them.

She also had to convince him that he was going to need a tutor for a while, to catch up on lost history. Ethan was against it for a while, until he realized that some countries weren’t even the same as they were… that the United States had even been rocked by dramatic change in the form of political views and even its land.

It just so happened that Bridgett was a teacher, and she agreed to tutor him. Lisa left when Bridgett arrived, though at this point Ethan was tired of having Lisa around watching his every move and wished she’d left earlier.

“Ethan, I don’t know exactly where to start, I’ve never had something like this before.”

“Yes, and neither have I, Bridgett.” Ethan had a hard time looking at her as he spoke. It was too weird to see his ex girlfriend a grown woman.

“I know… I think we’ll start with grade school material and move up.”

“What? I’m twenty-one, why would I need rudimentary stuff like that?”
“You were gone for forty years? A lot of stuff has changed. Can you name any of the presidents since you’ve been frozen? Can you name any of the countries that formed in the time you have been gone? What about the wars? How about technology?”

“I get it, Bridgett, I’m ignorant,” said Ethan.

Over the next month Bridgett came to see Ethan a few times a week and gave him history lessons and updated him on new technology in the world. After a while it was evident that Ethan wasn’t going to catch up on life very quickly this way, so it was suggested that he reenter high school. There was a lot of arguing about going back to school, and just as much hesitation from the schools in the area. Eventually both a nearby high school and Ethan agreed it would be his best bet at getting back into a normal life.

The part Ethan hated most about being in high school again was that he couldn’t even have normal classes, he had to be in special education classes because he was missing so much of what was now elementary-type information. Only a few months into schooling and Ethan could tell this wasn’t going to work.

The teachers acted as though he were retarded for not knowing what was now the most basic of information and the students looked at him like a celebrity. Never a moment of normality. Sure, there were the people that were nice and treated him as a normal person; some of them even became friends. However, they too knew the things that he lacked knowledge in so there were so many conversations they couldn’t have.

Ethan also never had a grade that he was placed into. He wasn’t proficient in anything at this point except history, from forty years back and earlier. Other than that it was a mix and match of new things and old things, seeing what he remembered and what he’d never learned. Again, it was due to the teachers treating him as though he had a learning disability that he was given courses that he actually knew. Math, for one, hadn’t changed, yet they gave it to him under the impression that in forty years he’d forgotten it. They seemed to have a hard time understanding that to him it didn’t feel like any time had passed in stasis at all, and it felt like only a few years had passed since he graduated high school.

The school year went by and the class of 2050 graduated. Ethan was not part of that ceremony. His new high school decided he still wasn’t up to par with people his age and for that they asked him to stay for another year. But Ethan didn’t want that.

He called Lisa after his school asked him to stay.

“I can get by fine on my own, Lisa.”

“If that were true, you would be done with school, Ethan.”

“Bull. Come on, man you know I’m not an idiot and you know I can survive on my own. Yeah, things have changed, but I’m not completely inept. So what if I don’t know the history that I’ve been alive to miss, is that really going to impact my life? No, it won’t. I don’t care who the presidents were after Obama. I know who is president now, and I’m going to vote for a president in the next election. I’m living life in now, not in the past forty years.”

Lisa scoffed. “Idiot, that’s why you have to do these classes, because you missed the last forty years; you didn’t live them. It would be easier if you were born twenty-one years ago, you’d have grown up with all this new information and you wouldn’t need to be taught it all at once.”

“This is absurd. I am going to be twenty-three years old soon,” Ethan began before Lisa chimed in with, “you mean forty-three.”

Ethan ignored her and continued, “I ultimately make the final decision on whether I stay in school or not and I don’t think I want to.”

“Good luck getting a job without even a high school diploma, Ethan. Jesus Christ, are you even thinking about your future? You have a lot of years left in you. A lot more than I do, that’s for sure. Ethan, you can afford to waste the next year of your life in high school if it’ll give you the chance to get a job.”

“Lisa, what the hell do I need a job for? I have more money than I know what to do with.”

There was no answer Lisa could give for that, so she stayed silent as Ethan went on. “Damn it, I really don’t know what to do with this money. I could give it away, I could spend it stupidly, I could sit on it more, or I can pull it out of the bank and hide the cash. It doesn’t matter, really. I’m set.”

“Set in terms of money, yes. I’ll admit you don’t need a job but if you don’t work what will you do with yourself? Living at home spending your money may be fun for a while, but you’ll get bored. You will want to do something.”

That was the point that Ethan realized nothing would be fulfilling to him. He couldn’t have a family that was more adept for this world than he was. He couldn’t hold a job without a degree, and he couldn’t get that degree unless he stayed in high school again. He could sit around with his money, but that would be a terrible way to spend his life. Ethan felt like he didn’t belong.

Why did I do this? Ethan thought. I’ve ruined everything. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong here as this person, at least. I should be so much older, and living life the way everyone else is.

Ethan decided then that he shouldn’t be where he is.

He knew he didn’t belong with forty years missing since the time of the birth of his twenty-two year old body.

There wasn’t any reason he should try to fit in where he didn’t. So he chose to call Dr. Oxley.

“What made you change your mind, Ethan?” Oxley was excited to hear that Ethan had reconsidered the offer to be put into stasis again.

“There’s no place for me here. I want to be gone so long that when I come back nothing will remain of the life I’ve had.”

“Don’t you realize that will still mean you’ll have missed out of everything and will have to learn everything all over again?”

“Yes, but you said you were toying with space travel. How close is that to being a reality?”

Oxley took a moment to laugh before saying, “Ethan, you really should have paid attention in these new classes. We have already started toying with space travel. You weren’t even born when we set foot on the moon. And in the time you’ve been frozen, we have had long term space tests. There was an entire year that astronauts spent living on Mars. I don’t know if there is anything happening soon with long term stasis and travel, but…”

“Find out,” Ethan interrupted.

“Ethan, you must not understand what that would mean. The closest possible planet we could send people to in hopes that there would be an acceptable atmosphere would mean you are in stasis for millennia. You may not be able to come back here if the planet chosen isn’t suitable.”

“Dr. Oxley, I called you because I want to be gone from anything that exists right now. If I go off with a crew and a ship full of people willing to start a new life elsewhere in the universe, we will be on the same level, and everything will evolve from us. We will be the beginning of the history, not part of history that we missed by being frozen.”

Dr. Oxley tried to convince Ethan that he was choosing to do this for the wrong reasons, but there was no changing his mind. As it turned out, arrangements had been set up a few years prior incase Ethan was on board with the second stasis experiment. The interstellar stasis experiment was already being developed. Ethan would only have to wait through the summer, and he could leave the same day he left before, only this time, there would be no sister to come back to; there would be no house for him, no family or friends, or anything. Nothing.

In the time it would take Ethan to travel to the planet he would begin colonizing, the entire human race could be wiped out on Earth. A meteor could strike the ship carrying him and send it off into a star. There could be no atmosphere on the planet he was going to. Or maybe there would be a breathable atmosphere, but that doesn’t mean plants or animals that could be there would even be edible. This was a complete shot in the dark.

When Ethan was confronted with these possibilities he simply responded with, “Well, aren’t I going to be dead someday anyway?”

One of the girls he became friends with at school tried to convince him not to go, but when he said that she said, “Yes, but you will have missed out on your entire life.”

Ethan laughed and then, “But don’t you think it’s neat that it’s possible I’ll be one of the last living humans?”

She didn’t, but that didn’t really even matter, because Ethan was set on leaving.

The day came that Ethan had to leave, so he sent for a taxi to drive him to the airport. He signed away every possession he had and all his money was given to assorted charities, as well as his sister and her family.

Arriving at the building that Ethan would begin stasis in, he took a moment to close his eyes and remember everything he’d lived, and imagine all that he’d missed; his parents, his sister young and old, and Bridgett young and old. He imagined their lives, and played out a story in his head that led up to them being at his thawing event, except he imagined that they all hated him at the thawing and that he never saw them after that. He was trying to make it hurt less that he was leaving once again.

“I’m doing something bigger than myself.” Ethan said. He was shocked, though, to hear a voice behind him say, “We are doing something bigger than us.” A young girl, about twenty was getting out of a taxi. Apparently the other colonists were arriving at the same time.

Ethan held out his hand, “I’m Ethan,” he said.

“Well, Ethan, It’s nice to meet you, and if we survive this voyage, I’ll tell you my name.” The girl let go of Ethan’s hand and walked ahead of him into the building.

2050 in it's entirety.

2009-09-08T17:12:00.003-04:00

This evening, no later than 8 pm EST, I will upload part four of 2050. It is complete and just needs to look over before I put it up here.

But this post isn't about part four of 2050. No, it's about the entire story. I'm going to set up some webspace via google that will host the entire story in .doc form, for anyone who'd rather download it and read it at their leisure. I'm going to start putting my stories up onto my googlepages as I finish them.

Update: Here is the link for the .doc version of this story. You can download it to keep or just have it to read all the way through instead of on blog posts.

take care,

marshall

things my fingers wrote.

2009-09-06T11:45:00.000-04:00

I'm not in the mood for picking a title that suits the material right now, as I don't know what the material will be.

Something I like about this blog is that aside from the four followers it has, and the occasional visit from a select other few people (one person, really), I have no idea who reads this. I rarely get comments, and when I do, it is from one of the followers I have. There could be any number of people reading this right now, never feeling the need to input a comment on my thoughts. That's fine, but I'm still so curious. Who actually reads this, and comes back to read more? Anyone?

It doesn't matter I suppose, I'd write the same things either way. Which is another funny point; My blog is exceptionally censored. I don't write what I really think or feel here. By that I don't mean I lie here. I don't lie here, but I don't write most of what I want to write here. Because of who I know reads this. Frequently I will begin a post for here, complaining about something, and then just stop because I know I'd upset someone who read this. (good thing I have an anonymous blog as well, so I can write anyfuckingthing)... No, none of you can have the link.

The other day a friend and i got into an argument. I said some things I shouldn't have. I know she will probably read this sometime, and since we haven't spoken since then I'll put words here. I meant a lot of what I said to you that night, and what I apologized for was the way I said what I said. I don't apologize, however, for telling you how I feel about you, because that's how I feel. Can't fault me for emotion. And in my defense, you really kept pushing, when I said to stop.

---

The above I wrote last night, then I fell asleep, and now it's the next day and I don't continue writing this post, so i'm posting it as it.

See below

2009-09-03T22:50:00.003-04:00

~~I am a good person. I want to be a good person.~~ I want to be a better person.

Charity:Water is something I'm trying to help right now. The link over on the right side of the page will stay there all month. Come october, I'll choose a new charity to help promote, and I hope all of my readers will help as well. It's completely free and almost without any effort to help out if you click on the box I've set up on here.

Why am I doing this? Well, I am a selfish person; by nature, I think most of us are... but why? There are more than six billion people on this planet, and I'm willing to bet that none of them are perfect. There are ways to help everyone so why not do what we can? Charity:Water is a nonprofit organization commited to digging wells in places around the world (mainly Africa, I believe) to provide fresh water where there currently is none. This is absolutely amazing. For some reason, fresh water has always been something I think is important for everyone to be able to have. (check this out). So many people are without the ability to drink safe water, and by digging these wells, those people now have a much much better chance of living without disease. It doesn't take a genius to realize that reduces disease for EVERYONE, not just the people who can't get clean water.

People, we live here, right now. I'll be the first guy to say that when we are dead it doesn't matter what we did while we were alive, but I also like to think that we should still be good. So, yes, I will be dead one day, and when that happens my whole being on this planet will stop mattering. Yet the fact is, when I die others will live. And maybe I can help how those others live... maybe I can help something that will continue after I die. If that happens, my existence wasn't a waste. My being was full of meaning.

Part four of my story will be posted soon. I promise.

Until then, take care everyone, and if you have time, check out www.charitywater.org and help out in anyway possible.

-Marshall.

New Layout

2009-09-02T19:13:00.002-04:00

So I felt like I needed to be like everyone else. Like the redesigned page? Tweet your feelings @marshallbruno.

For the record, this is still a work in progress. I stole the code from some website (credit at the bottom of the page and in the coding), but I am reworking the code to my liking. A tall order, since I haven't written a shred a code in easily two years. The biggest pain in the ass I'm seeing right now (well, the only thing I'm working on right now... more things will come later) is the summary code. *please note the rest of this post will be talking about HTML, CSS and jargon like that*

As you can see on this page now, the whole post doesn't show up right away; you need to press the "see this article" button to read it all. I've tried to set the limit to 500 characters and then it cuts off, yet it seems to want to cut off ALL my posts, no matter how long they are. This is extremely annoying. Anyone out there know how to fix this?

Other than that, I'm enjoying this new layout. It's quite similar to my old one, which is good because I liked that one too, however this one doesn't look so much like blogger's canned shit... it looks like some other websites canned shit hahaha. I will finally get working on a logo/banner for the site sometime soon. A lot of my friends have redesigned their pages and are using photos as their banners, and while for their sites it works well, I don't see that being an option here on this site, with this loud-ass color scheme.

Well, I suppose that's all I have to say. Again, I'll ask, if anyone can help me work this code out to be what I want, I'd be quite grateful.

Part Three

2009-08-23T13:23:00.000-04:00

Conlusion should be next week, but I am busy, so maybe not.

Lisa drove Ethan to her house, as Ethan’s license expired over thirty years ago. It was a quiet ride. So many things Ethan wanted to ask, so many things Lisa wanted to cry about Ethan missing.

It was so odd to be in this car with his little sister, now almost forty years his senior. So many things happened in her life that he missed out on. More than fourteen thousand days passed since they last saw each other. The amount of things that Lisa had seen and done was so large it was hard to figure out what to talk about first.

It turned out that the man behind Lisa at the thawing was another doctor, and not her husband. The man was a dermatologist there to look at Ethan’s skin and check its recovery.

After what felt like forever, they were back at Lisa’s house. Pictures of her husband and children were on the walls. By the size and décor of the house, Ethan knew she had a lot of money, probably from the money he gave her.

“How much did you pay for this?” Ethan asked.

“You paid half a million for it.”

“So… I have a lot of money now?”

“Yes, you do.”

“How much?”

“A better question,” Lisa said. “Do you have any idea how bad you hurt this family?” Lisa’s eyes were wide, though tears streamed from it. When she let her face show emotion, Ethan could see the marks of her age more. It frightened him that this was still the person he grew up with. It brought a wave of confusion over him and he began to feel hot.

“I… I don’t know… what happened with the family?” Ethan tried to look away from her, but he was so intrigued by the change that it was very hard for him.

“Mom and Dad told me on the ride home from DC the day you were frozen that I was not allowed to talk about you in the house anymore. To them, you didn’t exist. They weren’t going to keep you on their minds, hurting them when you were gone, never for them to see again. That was crazy; I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“So we all but forgot about you. After a few years, not talking about you at home was still the rule, and by then habit. Even with your old friends it was like they forgot about you. Really, it may have been months, not years. With you gone, there were only memories, and it become rarer for those memories to come up. I’d say it was about ten years before Mom and Dad talked about you. They didn’t say they missed you, they didn’t say they love you… they just said, ‘Remember when Ethan was around?’ and then that was it. Dad looked at Mom as if she lost her mind, but then just smiled and said, ‘Yeah, I do.’”

Ethan looked for a chair as his legs were feeling weak now. He had no idea his parents resented his decision so much. The closest chair was several feet away and his knees buckled as he reached it. He fell hard into the chair and took a few deep breaths to keep calm.

Lisa just went on though, not feeling bad for Ethan at all. He left her too, so she felt some resentment as well, even if not as much as their long deceased parents. “You know what the worst part about you leaving was?”

Ethan shook his head.

“That the only person I could talk to about you leaving was the one that was frozen. You left this family wrecked.”

“But at least I came back.”

“Yeah, idiot, forty years too late.”

“Better late than never?”

“No. Maybe better not at all.”

Ethan mulled the words over in his head before saying, “What do you mean?”

“Do you even have any idea what this is like for me? I just spent an entire lifetime without you and now here you are, same twenty-one year old that you were when you left.”

“Should… I leave?”

“No, this is your house. It’s your money that bought it. It’s me that should leave. My family already moved, and soon I’m going to be with them. I just wanted you to see the pictures on the wall of the family that I have that you never got to know; the family I won’t let you know.”

Ethan stood up and looked at a picture on the wall of Lisa, her husband, and three beautiful children, all smiling and holding on to each other. As he looked around, all the pictures seemed to be of the family at the same age…. Not many pictures of the family through the years it seemed.

“Why are all these pictures so recent? Did you really just go out and have all this done to hurt my feelings?”

“Yes, Ethan,” Lisa said.

“Oh wow, Lisa. Thanks. I know this didn’t work out well for our family, but again let me remind you of how many families I have saved from the heartache of death; think about the possibilities I’ve allowed humanity with space travel.”

“That’s great, Ethan, but think about me, you’re little sister. I’m three times your age now.”

“Why are you taking this so personally?”

Lisa walked over to him and looked him in the eye, “Because you left me! You left this family! You missed the birth and life of my children. You missed the death of our parents. You missed everything.”

“Fill me in then, please. I want to know. I am still your brother, and I still love you, and I still want to be part of this family, and your family’s life.”

“Ethan… There’s way too much to fill you in on.”

“Call your family, have them come back here. I want to meet them, please. And while they are coming here, can you tell me about Mom and Dad? How did they… how did it happen?”

A few hours of arguing over whether or not Lisa’s family should come here or not was finally ended with Lisa calling her husband, Carl; it would be a week before they could get a flight from London, where they have been living for the last five years. Lisa had bought this house years before, paid in full and only in the last month filled it with things from her family to show Ethan when he arrived.

Lisa spent that week telling Ethan about general history that he missed.

“About fifteen years ago people wanted to put a stop to your project. They were going to thaw you early and then send you off somewhere. The doctors and scientists that were working on the project that year said it was a bad idea. They convinced the legislature that wanted to end the project that it was pivotal you finished it, if there were to ever be a use for ES.”

“Jesus… is it 2050 right now?” Ethan asked, wanting to make sure the project went for the whole forty years.

“Yes. Today is Monday, August 8, 2050, Ethan.”

Two weeks ago, to Ethan, it was August 1, 2010. Now it was so far past that.

He thought about Bridgett, and how close they were; how he loved her, and now she was fully grown, with grandchildren. He still felt so much love for the Bridgett he left, but if he thought about the woman she became, he felt nothing. It was a terrible feeling to know that the girl he loves spent her life making memories that he couldn’t be a part of.

The feeling was just the same for Lisa. He never got a chance to see his nieces and nephew that were now older than was. Lisa started having children in her twenties. Her youngest child, Ethan’s niece Jasmine, was twenty-three. Ethan’s oldest Nephew, Carl Jr., was thirty-six, and his middle niece, Kaitlin, was thirty. He knew absolutely nothing about them; if he were around during the last forty years he would have grow with them, heard about their lives from Lisa as they happened, not now years and years after.

Ethan decided he would go by the age he looked, instead of the years he’s been on Earth. He could potentially say either one, he was technically sixty-one years old, though he had the body and mind of a twenty-one year old.

“Tell me about Mom and Dad, Lisa. Quit beating around the bush.”

“Ethan, you don’t want to hear about that. You just lost them; it’s going to be hard. For me, it was more than twenty years ago, I’ve had plenty of time to grieve.”

“Lisa, it was as sudden to you as it is now to me, you do get that right? Tell me.” Ethan and Lisa were a week into living together again, and she still had not told him about their passing. It was the only thing he really wanted to know about.

“Mom killed herself on February 3, 2022. Dad… the next day, in a car accident. The note Mom left was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read. I don’t think Dad’s car crash was really an accident. I think he felt so bad about losing Mom that he did it to himself.”

Ethan made no reaction to what Lisa said. He was numbed.

“Did you hear me Ethan?”

Ethan nodded, and tears were shook loose from his eyes.

“I could have kept that from you,” she began.

“But I asked,” Ethan choked out.

“And I’m still mad at you.”

Ethan had to laugh. Of course she was still mad, still trying to hurt him. She had forty years of resentment towards him.

“I almost don’t want to ask, but what did the note say?” Ethan was afraid after all that Lisa had said about him leaving that it was his fault.

“You don’t need to want to know, Ethan,” Lisa said. Even now, many years after, she was getting choked up by thinking about the note.

Ethan left it at that.

On my latest story

2009-08-20T15:41:00.002-04:00

It came from a dream that I was frozen and the only person left was my sister, Rachel. She was so upset with me and that bothered me, cause like a lot of dreams, this was extremely vivid and felt real as it was happening. I woke up and was stuck with the idea in my head, about being frozen for so long, so I started writing this story.

I wanted it to be short, and it will be, right now I'm working on writing the final part. Two weeks ago I put up part one, and last sunday (cause i was stupid and forgot) I put up part two. This weekend I'll put up part three, and the week after I will put up the final bit, part four. Part four has proven hard to write. I know how I want to end this story, and everything is set up to do so, but it seems getting to the climax of this section is just hard to do. But with two weeks until the deadline for it, and the fact that I'm writing it right now, hoping to finish it before tonight, it will get done.

TL;DR: This most recent story will have four parts and will conclude in two weeks.

Doing things for myself

2009-08-20T10:29:00.002-04:00

Soon I will move out of my dad's house and live either on my own or with a friend or two... It depends how the money situation works out; the most likely result is that my friends M and D will be living with me. I'm nervous.

That's actually quite an understatement. My friends like to indulge in things that I do not care as much for, let's say that. I'm afraid that I'll break my vows to myself and I'll indluge in them myself. Of course, there's obviously a part of me that wants that, hence my fear of doing it. I'm just not sure how big the part of me is that wants to do drugs and drink.

Regardless of that, I'm a stronger person than I was before when I was doing cocaine and ecstasy. I wanted to fit in, and I wanted to have my mind leave myself. Now, though, I am content with myself, I am content with being happy without the drugs.

Another concern I have is when is it time to get out after I move? What I mean is, I don't want to move into that place with my friends (who, if I'm being honest, don't have many prospects for bettering their lives), and then just get stuck there with them only to be there until the day I move back in with my parents because I'm such a peice of shit.

If, no, WHEN I move out, I'll be without the immediate guidance of my mom or dad... I don't know what that's like. Right now I'm house sitting at my current home. My dad and step mom are on vacation for ten days, and this is the halfway point today. For the last few days I've barely been home, but when I am home I can feel that they aren't there. I don't do anything different than I would if they were... but feeling that I am in control of this house is a little bit frightening to someone who's never done that before.

Yet, I won't be alone, most likely. I'll have my friends. And while they enjoy to toke up and pound back the beers from time to time, they are fully adults and ready to take on living away from home just as much as I am. Together, we can. It's just a matter of adjusting myself to do things on my own.

My own groceries, no one reminding me to clean my room, no one (probably) cooking dinner. I know i'll do these things, but still, the thought is daunting because these are all going to be changes. (ps. i'm a little bit scared of big changes)

I want it to be emphasized that I know I can do this, it's just the thought of the future being different that worries me. I'll take it head on, though.

Part Two

2009-08-16T22:12:00.000-04:00

Part three could be next week.

Unfortunately, not everyone Ethan listed could make it to the thawing event.

Ethan opened his eyes and looked around. The room was virtually unchanged. He remembered leaving twelve days ago to come here to be frozen. He remembered on the twelfth day of being here, his family showed up with Bridgett and the other friends he’d listed. Ten people in total were at his freezing.

At the thawing there were four, not counting the various scientists there to observe.

Ethan stepped out of the glass box he had been in for what seemed like only a moment. It was impossible to tell at first if this was right. Was it 2010 or 2050… or sometime else?

A film covered his eyes, and as he moved his legs they began to wobble. He was put into stasis in a standing position. Three steps out of the box and he collapsed on the floor; scientists in the room were immediately around him.

“I’m fine, honest. Just give me a moment to get my joints going.”

Everyone in the room was silent before, but after he began to speak there was a sob from one side of the room, gasps from another, and feet shuffling in front of him as the scientists moved back to see if he could pull himself together.

“Does anyone have any eye drops? My eyes are burning.”

Before Ethan knew what was happening there were hands on him; his eyes were being pulled open and a light was being shined in it.

An unfamiliar voice said, “This is going to hurt.” Then, in the eye that was being held open the man in front of Ethan wiped his eye with a towel, scraping the film away.

“Ow, son of a bitch!” Ethan jerked his head back, but a hand held it in place as his other eye was scraped clean.

Now Ethan could see, and as he looked around the only face he recognized was covered in wrinkles and tears. Lisa.

Ethan moved quickly over to her and looked at her face. It was different, but so much the same. Her hair was going gray and her eyes looked tired. He looked over the rest of her. Her clothing was very much different; no longer wearing the tanks and shorts she wore as a teenager, she was dressed modestly. On her finger was a large diamond ring; so she was married. Behind her, as he noticed now, was a graying man that Ethan did not recognize. Must be her husband, he thought.

Ethan’s eyes spanned the rest of the room, looking for any familiar face, but there were none. He was about to ask who everyone is when Lisa spoke, “You asshole.”

Lisa’s voice was grainy, as though she were trying her hardest not to cry in front of him, but that façade did not last long, as she began to sob when he turned his twenty-one year old head back to her.

“You were gone for forty years! Do you realize that? Forty god-damn years, Ethan. I should hate you so much right now.”

“I am sorry?”

“No, you little prick, you’re not! You did this. Forty years ago you told me you were doing this no matter what I said,” Lisa went on.

“No, Liz, I didn’t say it like that.”

“It doesn’t matter how you said it, that’s what you meant and that’s how I’ve felt for the last forty years.”

Ethan ignored this; he knew that for however long he and Lisa would live he would hear about this. “Liz… who is everyone in here?”

“You…don’t recognize anyone?”

“Not one person, aside from you.”

In what seemed like a planned explanation, Ethan was told who was there, and who wasn’t. Most notably, his parents weren’t and Bridgett was.

“So, why aren’t mom and dad here?”

Lisa looked at him like he was asking the stupidest thing in the world.

“They are dead, Ethan.”

A wave of grief flooded Ethan’s mind and heart. Sure, he had said goodbye and I love you to his parents, but he truly expected them to live to see him thaw.

“When?”

“Ethan, later… now why don’t you say hello to the people who have come to see you?”

Most of the faces around Ethan were awestruck. All these people knew Ethan in the year 2009, when they were the same age as him, and now they are looking at him in the year 2050, though he hadn’t aged more than a day.

Bridgett took her turn coming up to him. That was harder for Ethan than it was for her. Forty years ago when they broke off their relationship seemed like a lifetime ago for Bridgett, though it was only a year for Ethan. It was weird seeing her so much older, so different.

“Wow, Bridgett… how are you – how has your life been – did you – where – hold on, my mind is going a mile a minute.”

“Take a deep breath Ethan. I am well, my life was well – is well.”

A ring was on Bridgett’s finger too. She moved on and found someone else. She could have kids, a career. Her entire life had nothing to do with Ethan anymore. It was an odd thought, and extremely hard to conceive. This was the same girl that a year ago he embraced every day… but now she was a woman, and that year was really forty-one years ago.

“I wasn’t ready for this,” Ethan said as his brain went into overload and he collapsed on the floor again.

“Lisa… is this for real? Did this really just take me away for forty years?”

Lisa stayed where she was, not wanting to be close to Ethan, “Yes, Ethan. This really happened. You really went away.”

“Oh god… ok. Deep breaths… ok.” Ethan started talking to himself for a moment.

A year ago Ethan thought this would be easy but he wasn’t really putting thought into the fact that nothing is the same. There could have been nine different presidents elected in the time he was gone; there could have been wars; there were obviously deaths, but how many people were really gone? All of Ethan’s friends from before were grown, and now they had kids and grandkids. There was now no one that Ethan had as a friend, except maybe Lisa… but even she had a family now.

“Where do I live now?” Ethan asked no one in particular.

Bridgett was still the closest of Ethan’s old friends, but now she started shifting her weight. This was uncomfortable for everyone around. Lisa moved forward as Bridgett stepped back.

“Ethan, anywhere you want. The stocks you invested in, and the CDs you got made you extremely wealthy over the last few years. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve used some of that money for my family.”

“Lisa, that’s what I told you to do with the money.”

Apparently the scientists were getting antsy because one of them stepped forward and grabbed Ethan’s arm, and lifted him off the ground with too much force. The man wore a name tag, “Bill Oxley”

Oxley spoke, “Ethan, come sit down over here, you can talk to everyone while we check over your body and blood.”

They moved together, Oxley’s hand still firmly gripping Ethan.

“Bridgett… I know to you it’s been forty years and you have long forgotten any feelings you’ve had for me before… but I am sorry I did this. I’m sorry we ended how we did. To me it still seems like a year ago. I am still in love, even if you are this old woman.”

“Old? I’m only sixty! I’m not that old! Life expectancy is one-hundred-twenty these days, Ethan. I’m only midlife right now.”

“Wow, midlife at sixty.”

Oxley spoke again, “Kid, there have been a lot of advancements in the last forty years. We can save people from so many more things than we could before. In fact that machine you were in is outdated now. There have been three iterations of it since its inception and use. We haven’t used any of them, of course, since we needed results from this one to compare to.”

Another scientist chimed in with, “Which is the control?” and a few scientists laughed. Ethan figured it was a joke between them until Oxley spoke again.

“Ethan all your vitals are fine, and aside from the residue on your eyes from the gas to put you into stasis, you are seemingly completely fine. So, we wonder now… would you be willing to do the trial again in another machine? You would be the best control for the experiment, if we put another person in there with you.”

“No. Dear God, no. I just missed forty years, and now you want me to miss another forty, already?”

“Well actually, it would be quite a bit longer. You remember why this project started?”

“To give people with incurable diseases a chance to live?”

“That… and also to make travel through the worlds a possibility. If we can put people into stasis for as long as we want, that could open up the doors to infinite lengths of time spent travelling through space. So, our second project is to see if that’s true. We want to send you to another galaxy, Ethan.”

“Are you kidding me? No way in hell.”

“Ok, Ethan,” Lisa started, “If you’re not going to do the second test, what are you going to do? You’ve just missed forty years of history.”

“Well first I plan to catch up on that history. Starting with family history. How much longer do I need to be here for testing, Mr. Oxley?”

Oxley smugly responded with, “Doctor Oxley. And a week. After a week we’ll let you out of here, with some monitors to see if anything happens. We don’t expect anything to happen if it doesn’t happen right away.”

2050 part one

2009-08-08T12:18:00.000-04:00

(part two next weekend)

The letter came sealed in a manila envelope with government insignia on it. By the time Ethan arrived home from work, the envelope addressed to him was open.

“Ethan! Tell me what this means!” Ethan’s sister, Lisa, demanded as she read a letter to him.

The envelope contained three things. The first was a letter of acceptance into the Extended Stasis Program. The ESP was an experiment to see if a human could be held in stasis for an extended time and still recover with no ill-effects. The projects results would herald a new age of travel through space to visit far off planets. It would also bring about cures to virtually every illness, as one could be frozen until the cure was discovered.

The second was a piece of paper Ethan was supposed to list people he would like to be at his “freezing” and “thawing” events. At the top of the list he wrote Lisa Strong. After her, he wrote his parents, his best friend, and a few random people he knew just to have someone to talk to when it was done. Lastly he chose is girlfriend, Bridgett. He knew she wouldn’t be his girlfriend when this was done, and not even a friend, but he wanted her there to see her; and to see her reaction.

Third was a check for two millions dollars. He was told to do whatever he wanted with that, though it was strongly suggested he buys property for when the trial was over. Ethan put the check in his pocket and read the letter over one more time.

He would start the experiment on August 1, 2010, one year from today. He would end the experiment on August 1, 2050. The first long term stasis trial was going to run for forty years.

“Lisa, it’s exactly what it looks like.”

Through sobs, “You suck, why would you do that? Do you understand how long forty years is? I’m going to be fifty-eight when you finish this! Fifty-eight!”

“Yeah, and mom and dad will be in their nineties.”

“No, they will probably be dead.”

“Don’t say that. It may be possible, but I don’t want to think about it.”

“Ethan, don’t you get it? You’re going to be gone for four decades; two or three generations of people will be born in that time. I don’t know what it’ll feel like for you while you’re in stasis, but every day you’re gone I will know it and it will hurt.”

“It won’t.”

“Why wouldn’t it? Every day, Ethan. I can’t believe you are leaving for forty years.”

“I’m giving you all my money from this.”

“I don’t want it.”
“Listen to this.”

“No.”

Ethan took a deep breath, that was always his sign to his sister that he was about to get angry if she didn’t listen. “Lisa. I am giving you two million dollars. Take care of yourself, Mom and Dad. If anything comes up that you need the money, you have it. If you get married and have kids, send them to college.”

Lisa was crying while he spoke, but she still nodded her head after each of his points. She knew her brother and knew there would be no changing his mind, so now it was time to leave the room and get ready to lose her brother for what was going to seem like forever. She was given a year to prepare, but she was going to use all of that time.

Ethan read the letter a hundred times that August. He was forced to undergo a battery of mental strength tests to be sure he would be fine with the sudden change of the world when he thawed. Lisa wouldn’t look at him for the entire month and his parents were giving him as much of the silent treatment as possible.

Ethan’s parents felt like he didn’t love them. His mother cried every night, his father likewise. They weren’t expecting to be alive when Ethan got through this. They were preparing to pretend he died when he went into stasis. Of course, that was actually possible. Ethan could die at any point during this; it was the first test on a human.

Bridgett broke up with Ethan immediately and refused to talk to him.

Ethan expected all this. He was ready for this. It was understood to Ethan that if he were the ESP participant that everyone around him would be upset and probably hate him.

Lisa more than hated Ethan, she couldn’t believe he was going to just leave her and everyone he knew for forty years. Growing up, Lisa and Ethan weren’t very close; they got on each other’s nerves constantly. As they got older and entered their teen years, though, they started to connect more. Now, before this letter of acceptance came, they were each other’s best friends. The fact that Ethan was just throwing it all away to do this was outrageous to Lisa.

“Liz, look… I am doing the entire world and the entire future a service. I was selected out of millions of people who applied for this.”

“But can’t you just change your mind?”

“No, not at this point; I signed a binding contract. I’m pretty sure the only thing to stop me at this point would be if I died.”

For a second, Lisa considered killing him to stop him, but that would just be worse. Forty years gone versus forever gone. She dismissed the thought quickly.

“Ethan…” Lisa started, “I know it’s probably been fifteen years since I’ve said this, but…”

“Lisa, I love you too.”

“You asshole, I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Really?”

“Ok, fine, I was. But still, you could have let me say it.”

Ethan began, “Alright, well go ahead now.”

“I love you, Ethan.” Lisa started to cry again. Fifteen years without saying that, versus the forty it was going to be.

This time, though, Ethan cried too, only for a moment. I can’t let any of this bother me, or I’ll lose my mind when this ends, he told himself.

Over the next year, Lisa and Ethan reclaimed their friendship, but Ethan’s parents did not. They told him to move out immediately; having two million dollars, they weren’t worried about him paying for anything.

This bothered Lisa and Ethan though, because that money was supposed to be used to the future, not the present.

Ethan went online and looked into stocks. He went to a broker and placed three hundred thousand dollars into various stocks and then signed an assortment of papers making the stocks the property of his sister once he was placed into stasis. He also put twenty-five thousand dollars into various CDs, for when he got out. That would be all the money he would have. The CDs would mature before he was going to finish this, and he would have to hope Lisa would roll the money over into more CDs.

This left one-million-six-hundred-sixty-five-thousand-four-hundred dollars for Lisa to hold onto and spend over the next forty years. Ethan hoped she was smart enough to invest it and live off that nicely.

On July 20, 2010 Ethan left on a train early in the morning to go to Washington, DC where the experiment would take place.

songs

2009-08-08T11:33:00.001-04:00

ever hear a song that just speaks to you? I love that, usually. However, this song just taunts me. Savior by Rise Against. listen to it, it's a good song... but damn.

This isn't my writing, it's just words.

2009-08-04T22:49:00.005-04:00

topics:

confidence

judging too quickly

i'm not sure

sunday's post

For some reason, last weekend I gained confidence. Nothing happened to make me gain this confidence, I just gained it seemingly out of nowhere. I'm fairly certain that's a sign of me being crazy, but whatever. I think it's been a long time coming though. I have been a coward all my life, only stepping up the plate and my feet were nailed to the ground and the bat duct taped to my hands. For some reason, now I feel like I want to step up. As an example, my friend told me to go up to a stranger and get her number. Normally I would have said no, for a whole assortment of reasons. Instead, I did the opposite. I wanted to do it. Not even because of the girl, though she probably helped. I wanted to step up and do it, even though I could get shot down. That wasn't what mattered. The result wasn't my objective, the action was. I started to see that this weekend; when I have a matter at hand that has potential for a result I don't like, I don't have to worry about that (given the situation, I suppose... but potentially not) because my goal is not to get this result or that result when rather it's to get a result. Boy I wish I made that distinction before.

Something that's been on my mind since the end of this weekend is people judging others, and more specifically first impressions. I am absolutely one hundred percent certain that I have met people who would have become my friend were it not for their first impression of me. I'll note the things that most often cause this; The fact that I smoke cigarettes, my tattoo(s), my past with drugs, and my not drinking alcohol. My best friend doesn't like that I smoke cigarettes, but he is still my friend, because he doesn't judge me as a person based on that. I have met people who, upon seeing me light up a fag (i just went British on your ass) for the first time, become disgusted and assume me less respectable. Why? You don't know my feelings on cigarettes, my smoking or for that matter anything else about me. I wish I could explain in a kind manner that I hate cigarettes just as much so them, and the only reason I smoke them is because I'm too weak to quit. But I suppose saying I'm weak would be just as sad as being a smoker in their eyes. My tattoo(s) are a different matter. I say tattoo(s) because only a few people know about one of them, and I don't actually think any of them care. So my tattoo. It's god damn video game characters, how bad of an impression can that give to you? As for my drug use... that one is retarded. I used to do a bunch of drugs. Not anymore. Because I used to do drugs, that makes me a bad person? But I shook them, tossed them away, how bad could I be? I took the initiative to better myself before something bad could happen. That was responsible, wasn't it? Isn't that something worth admiring? Well Lastly, it's alcohol. This one is kind of on the other side of the spectrum. The people who don't like me because of that are shallow and kind of retarded. Again, I bettered myself by not succumbing to the addiction that plagues my family. But I understand, I'm Twenty years old, so I'm supposed to go out to parties, break the law and get drunk with a bunch of idiots (and you are all idiots, by the way). Sounds like a fucking phenomenal way to spend my evening. However, there are those who hear about me not touching alcohol and applaud that, just as there are those who applaud my efforts to quit doing hard drugs, likewise some people (a lot to most) don't care about my cigarettes either.

I just rambled up there. Lordly be.

So I'm not sure how long this confidence will last, but I want to utilize it while I can; I don't know how though. I need to figure something out. I'm not looking to do anything crazy, cause really, I'm sure that'll require more effort than I wish to exert. What I really want is just something easy to try to see if I pussy out (oh, my language is a problem for people sometimes too... fuck that (no I'm just kidding)) like before or not. If I do something, I'll post about it, but I probably actually won't.

On Sunday, I posted "I wonder what I am when I'm not pretending." It was at 2 am that I posted that, after taking a buddy home. I said that to him at one point in a conversation we had that night. I mentioned how I felt like I was pretending to be stronger than I am when he and everyone else came to me to unburden their emotions on me. We left it at that, but I have more to say. At times I didn't want to hear what my friends had to say to me when they have a problem with their boyfriends or girlfriends or work or school or parents or whatever the fuck else. There have been times in the past that when someone started talking to me I wanted to punch them, and others when I wanted to just put my head down and ignore them so I could cry. I don't do either. Everyday I listen to at least 5 different people (my coworkers) complain to me about their exes, their current love affairs, the place we work, drugs, money, this, that, i don't care. I complain too, don't get me wrong. There is someone who I can talk to, but not as much. It always goes back to his problems and I'm there again, listening. Also, I have this blog... but we all know I won't post very thoughtful things here anymore (unless it's uber terrible angsty poetry or this post right here). So I wonder what I am when I'm not pretending to be strong enough for them... or is it that if I can pretend to be strong enough I really am strong enough?... and if that's the case, why don't I feel like I can handle/care about this anymore?

(a lot of this tonight, just to be annoying, and because I had multiple trains of thought at once and decided not to delete the scraps)

((goodnight))

I wonder what I am when i'm not pretending...

2009-08-02T02:18:00.001-04:00

I'm going to have to come back to that one...

eat shit and die (no not really)

2009-07-30T00:00:00.001-04:00

i'm only posting one tonight, because... well as long as I write them, that's what matters right?

And when asked what my biggest regret was
all I could say was not watching the storms more

Yep. Just blew your minds.

Goodnight.

oh, i had no idea

2009-07-29T10:40:00.000-04:00

A poem is no place for an idea.
- Edgar Watson Howe

one liners can be poems

2009-07-28T16:53:00.002-04:00

no color effects or anything like that (although one of these does require it's own HTML just so it looks right), because I'm in a rush.
If I don't get all the ones done I am supposed to have up by today, they will be up later tonight or tomorrow.

quickly before I start transposing these, I want to say that I went back to basics for most of these. I was talking to a friend today and I said how I feel the previous 6 were terrible. She commented, they aren't terrible, just unconventional. Well, I disagree. I think they are terrible AND unconventional. So, here are some poems that I like a bit more. Short, sweet, and tart.

7.
I am glad I miss you
it reminds me I can feel, even without you

8.
Beauty is in ~~the eye of the beholder~~ someone else's arms

9.
You said you were happy you called and I agreed
but really I was just happy to hear your voice again

10.
Humans are meant to war and battle with each other.
We are animals, nothing more.

11.
The future will happen.
My future is acceptable.
(it has to be)

12.
I can't stand the laughter, unless it's my own.

13.
"it's not as funny as you think" is literally impossible, also assumptive.

14 (ok, this isn't new, just different than it was before. I like this version more than the one before it, and the changes made were mostly in form. Regardless, I'm counting it as new).
You say you love me
but I know better.
You try to hold my hand
but I know better.
You are so beautiful
but I know better

So I'll tell you I love you
even though I knew better.
I'll take your hand
even though I knew better.

Tomorrow's going to be the same as today
Never getting any better.

I am out of time for now, I'll post more in a while.

just to keep it clear

2009-07-27T15:14:00.003-04:00

I didn't forget over the weekend, I just didn't care to get online and put the new poems up. I was pretty busy and the time I had free I left to relaxing and writing.

new stuff up tonight.