Scribble@Work

Me being an author is not an attainable dream. I may finish a book someday and it may get published (if only by myself), but I'll never make a living being a writer, nor will I ever be a good enough writer to ever attempt that.

Medical school is hard. Quite possibly harder than anything I've attempted thus far in my life. Will I succeed? Maybe. Will I be accepted to a medical school at all? Doubtful.

When I imagine being an author, I don't think about the part where I have to actually write the stories; I only think about BEING an author. I've been thinking more about actually going to school, learning the neurology, studying, doing homework, going to class, NOT fucking around. I'm prepping myself.

So what do I have to do to start my life as an MD? Here's a nifty list:

• Community College- I have to go back. No fucking around this time. I NEED the grades.
• Loans- I can't afford that on my own.
• Jobs- As hard as it will be I must keep a job during this.
• Homework- I fucking hate homework... but I HAVE to do it.
• Study- See above.
• Friends- What are those? I will pretty much be living school and work. Not fun, but necessary. I know if I slack off with friends I'll never pick back up.
• Apply at the BEST schools- Go big or go home, right? If I get accepted to a good school, i then repeat steps 2-6 until I have my degree.

I don't just want to be a neurological doctor, I want to be the best neurological doctor. I WILL be the best. It's just a matter of time.

I have off from work on Friday; I'm going back to my CC to talk to the admissions office about my options for applying again for a couple courses over the summer (I want to start asap) with premed courses.

I read a book. Took three days. That's not a reason to neglect all of you, my adoring fans (joke), but it's the excuse I'm giving. So, I read a book and I've worked on a story I started a while ago. I haven't added much, but I did a lot of revising and like the story alot better. I'm writing this story differently than I've written stories in the past. Before now I just sat down and wrote what came to mind, with no goal in mind. Now I'm trying to actually visualize the chapter before I put it into words. I don't know how much better I'll do with this way of writing.

I'm still stuck at this steak shop, and that's completely my fault. Oops.

I have a new life ambition (anyone surprised? Didn't think so). I want to go to med school. I want to be a neurologist. I want to do research on the brain and make new discoveries as to how and why it works the way it does. More specifically I want to research dreams, sleep and things related to that as well as do new research on the brain when it's on drugs (more specific yet, what new drugs do to it).

Things holding me back from med school:

* Money
* Grades (previous posts tell you I haven't been the ideal student thus far in my life... again, my fault... oops.)
* Dedication / Will I want to do this in a month?

The first two things are pretty much obvious and absolute -- I have no money and no credit for loans, and my grades are such that I doubt any school will accept me. It's that third thing that makes me think. I have kinda-sorta dreamed of this for many years, but just as a, "Hey, that would be a neat thing to do with my life," kinda thought. Yet I've wanted to do so many different things with my life recently (including being a Cop, but I will talk about that another time... maybe) I can't imagine I would want to stick with this. I think I said in an earlier post (or meant to... i have a bunch of posts that I never actually finished due to time or embarrassment) that I think if I really apply myself to something new I can stick with it and make it work. So maybe pursuing neurology would give me the dedication to be a neurologist. maybe.

One way to find out...

USC is a good med school, right?

I seem to be having some trouble putting my thoughts down on paper the last couple days. I have had a lot of things I want to get out, but haven't really been able to. I have hit a wall. But I need to write, so...

I need to change my lifestyle... like, really badly. For one, I need to quit smoking... It's really taking a tole on my body. I went outside to practice some break dancing moves I know (i only know a couple) and I had to stop within five minutes because I was just out of breath.

I have found a couple ideas for new jobs, and will be looking into them... I guess that's all I have to say right now...

Why do I need to go to school? Why do I worry about school at all?

Shit, Bill Gates (you know, the richest man alive with a net worth of roughly 56 Billion USD...) made his money all by himself (and a partner) and he was a college dropout...

I just read his net worth and it pissed me off that I feel the need to go to college to go somewhere with my life yet people like him get so fucking lucky (they're smarter than me) and make their money at a young age with no formal schooling.