Scribble@Work

As of today, I have an adsense account with google. Ads will be appearing on the side of the site and at the bottom. More may come, but I assure you they will be nonintrusive and in no way will they take away from this blog and my thoughts.

On my way to internet radio, two friends and myself are doing a podcast. Click the hyper for the site.

before I go ahead with buying a microphone and possibly a mixer for multiple mics, an ipod input and whatever else i'd want to use for broadcasting... I want to know something.

What would you guys like me to talk about? Would anyone even listen to my show? Respond in comments, or just tell me in person. I'm not picky, I just want responses.



P.s. would anyone like to be a guest or a regular on my show? I'm not so selfish to make it all about me and have only myself on the show... i'd love you guys to call in during broadcasts or even come over and do it with me live.

In my dreams recently, I'm crying.

I'm at a loss as to what that means... four or five times in the past couple weeks i've had dreams that have me crying...

it's weird, and I wake up feeling like i need to cry...

huh...

I made a radio station online...

I need to get a couple things before I can start to talk, but I can play music on my channel for now. I'll post more later, after I mess around with the programs a bit more

I'm checking out an internet broadcasting site... I'll write more if I decide start up a channel

I would like to model, or act. I tried modeling before, and for all I know, I could have made it big... but I never looked for an agent or a manager or whatever I need so now I just have 3 year old head shots. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a good looking guy, so I think I could do the modeling thing.

When I was in that one fateful college semester I was a DJ on the school radio. Dear god that was fun, although I was getting ridiculously high before each show so I was terrible. But now that I'm sober, I think I could be pretty good at it given a little more time and practice with it all. I listen to Kidd Chris everyday at work, and he really makes me want to see what I can do with radio.

I learned HTML when I was nine years old. I can learn programming languages... I just have no real desire to. I have been asked to make websites for people probably two hundred times, so obviously I CAN do it, I just don't like it... but it is good money, I guess...

None of these things will happen, I'm just clearing my head.

Damnit... I had an idea for a blog today... but since I have no time to write down my thoughts, I promptly forgot it.

It was probably just gonna be about school or something like that though, that's pretty much all that I talk about.

No. Dear god no. It could have been a maybe if the lady and myself hadn't seen a crackhead/hooker getting picked up by some punk directly across the street in broad daylight... also the town was slummy. Disappointing... the picture didn't seem like that... but for 450 a month, what could I expect...

I'm 19. Woo hoo. What a lame age...

A lot of people don't like having people sing happy birthday to them, and I'm one of those people... but to be honest last night when no one actually sung to me before we had cake it did kinda make me a little sad.

I'm not gonna lie to you, internet people, I wanted to welcome in my new age with a nice little party favor; be it a joint (or a nice rip of a bong... mmmm I do miss that) or whatever else (weed and ecstasy are the only things I miss, and I don't really miss E that much). I chose to stay sober. Wise choice? Probably. The choice I wanted to make? No. I miss getting high.

I'm a pretty depressed person. I don't know why though. I don't have any real reason to be as depressed as I am. I have a better job, which I'm working as hard as I can at, I am planning on going back to school (hmm...) and I have an amazing girlfriend. But the things that make me sad... they hit me much harder than the things that make me happy.

I have problems here at home, but I am not going to get into that; it's no one's business but mine and my families'. I am going back to school soon but once again I am not sure I am going to be doing what I want to be doing... You all know (if you're keeping up with this blog) that I like to write, to film and to cook (though that's just a hobby and I would NEVER make a career out of it, nor am I very good at it)... but I don't think my writing is good enough to do anything with and my filming is much much worse (being as i've never really filmed anything other than stupid shit with my friends I don't even have much experience with it). This med school thing, while a great ambition to have and an amazing career, would I be any good at that? Would I be able to handle it? Could I even enjoy myself doing it? I can't answer any of those questions without trying first... so I will... I guess. If I go back to school, though, I won't be able to work enough to make the money I'd need to get the fuck out of this hell-house.


The deadline for FASFA is coming up REAL quick for summer classes, so I gotta finish that stuff post haste... I'm taking an english course over the summer. If I go to med school I will be going with an undergrad degree in English.

Last thing. I'm no longer "deciding" things. I always think to myself, "Fine, I have decided I will do this"... from here on out I just do things. They work or they don't. I fail or I succeed. I win or I lose. That's all there is to it. Making decisions requires more thinking... and I need to think less... I need to do instead of consider....

At this point I can't scribble my thoughts anymore... I actually do work now! 8 hours a day, I am constantly moving, doing work; so now my blog is spontaneous thoughts. Like this.

So, last week was my first at the new job; I enjoy it a lot... enough that I volunteered for overtime 3 times already. I was the only one to do so, and I'm damn sure my bosses liked that. This coming week I will be doing overtime again, but not on tuesday or thursday... here's why.

Tuesday I turn 19. Woo. Lame birthday coming. I'm getting a book from my dad, and nothing from my mom, and my girlfriend is getting me something too, but hopefully it's small. I don't like people spending money on me; save it for yourself, or just save it.

Thursday I'm doing stand-up comedy for the second time ever. I did it this passed thursday and forgot half of my act because I was so nervous... not this time though. Now that I've done it and I know what it's like I won't be nervous.

before I go I say that I may have found an apartment... maybe. I hope so. I'm going to check it out today with my girlfriend. We'll see how it looks, go over our financials again and make the decision.

I don't drink... at all. I used to, when I was 14 and 15, but ever since then I haven't had a taste for it. January first of this year was the last time I had any alcohol; one glass of champagne at midnight.

I used to smoke pot. When I was thirteen I started smoking. I was just curious as to what it was like to be high, so I bought some weed, liked it, and kept smoking. I haven't smoked now in two months. I'm done with it.

I have tried other stuff too; coke, acid, ecstasy, aerosol, crack, salvia, and a couple other drugs that i've been told are still "experimental". No more.

I haven't done those hard drugs in a long time, a year or so I'd say. I quit smoking pot so I could find another job, but I've realized, there is no reason to be high anyway. Life is fun without drugs and alcohol. I don't need to be intoxicated to have fun with my friends.

I'm starting my life again. No drugs, alcohol or parties where those things are. It's not even that I'm against them, I just don't want to put myself near them. I have a fairly good job now, I'm getting ready to go back to school and those are all things that will just be distractions. I don't need any distractions.

the other night, on my facebook i made my status to say something to the effect that I was enjoying being sober and bettering my life. I got a message sent to me from someone that I barely know saying they are proud of me for doing all that. It made me happy to get that random support.

Anyway, I don't know how to end this post so...

achieved. i start monday. full time + benefits. exactly what I was looking for.

No idea about med school yet... it's still what i'm shooting for, but i have to get back on track with school before i can think about it... I'm applying for scholarships (oh thats funny), loans and financial aid. I plan on going back next month, and i would take a night class so that I can just go there after work.

also on my mind is the possibility of an apartment, but that's an ENORMOUS maybe at this point. I need one soon, not just want. I need one within this year, but I have to either find a roommate, or keep the steak shop job I have now and work weekends. In case you care, that would mean 60 hours of work a week, plus school, homework and studying. Yikes... Can I handle all that? Dear God, I hope so because right now it seems like the only possibility